17 May 2012

Bullshirt, Kellymom

My Baby 4 was a good nurser, and I thought I had finally figured it out. Now I knew how to nurse. Now postpartums wouldn't be terrible, if I had any more.

Baby 5 was a terrible nurser. It was, to understate, disappointing. He was sleepy and mean and I was miserable, so miserable that I got desperate enough to revisit Kellymom.

I don't understand Kellymom. I don't know if there is a real person named Kelly. I don't know why Kelly, if she exists, is qualified to be the person about whom people always ask, "Did you check Kellymom?" when you mention a nursing problem. I only know that Kellymom has been around for a fairly long time (I'm pretty sure I learned about Kellymom during Boob Hell actual, which was 9 years ago), and that Kellymom is some kind of online hippie den (it's OK, some of my best friends are hippies), and that the site is finally looking a little more up to date than it was even at the time of my Baby 5 consultation.

So anyway, finding myself in Boob Purgatory following the (admittedly un-ideal) birth of my FIFTH freakin kid, I went to Kellymom, and this is what she had for me: rebirthingRebirthing. And honestly, people, I was and remain at a loss. What could Kellymom possibly mean by this? I mean, the explanation is there in my first language and I understand the vocabulary and the syntax. But I do not understand how anyone can take this magnitude of absurdity seriously. Who is going to call bullshirt on this kind of thing?

I guess I am. Bullshirt. Rebirthing is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard of. Two people in a warm bath is not in any way like the birth of a human being, even if that birth takes place in a warm bath. Maybe (?)  nursing in a warm bath would help with nursing problems, but a warm bath is all it would be. It would not be the counterfactual you have designated "rebirthing." Desperate as I was at that time in my life, and still feeling victimized and guilty in the aftermath of my ridiculous fifth delivery during which I missed my opportunity to initiate nursing immediately following the baby's birth, I could not be mind-tricked into this one.

The emperor, he is naked, and Kellymom, you are too, but I guess you and your devotees do that on purpose. I'm only judging it when it surpasses eccentric and achieves willfully stupid.


  1. Something similar was recommended to me when my 5th abruptly dumped me, I mean stopped nursing at 11.5 months. I was desperate enough to try it twice but it didn't help.

  2. I have never heard of this. I talked to my mom about it. She's hardcore breastfeeding LLL-lady, and she thought it was very weird. It'd be nice to *reboot* every time I have a problem, though. Pekoponian, my first dumped me at 11.5 months, and I thought, close enough to the AAP's one year (her brother was arriving in 5 months).


Being nice is nice.